My Immortal
by mornir-brightflame
Summary: Songfic. Fang dies, and Max struggles to cope with reality. Song is My Immortal, by Evanescence. Chapter two up!
1. My Immortal

**My Immortal**

Disclaimer: I don't own Maximum Ride or the Lyrics. They belong to JP and Evanescence.

_Italics Flashbacks_

_**Bold/Italics Voice**_

Underlined Max's thoughts

_Italics/Underlined Song Lyrics_

Read and review please…

"_Fang! Oh, God, Oh no! Oh, please, someone, anyone …"_

I sat here, in the cave, the cave where Fang first kissed me. I come here every year. A sort of tribute, a reminder, of everything I wanted, everything that could never happen.

_**Max, please, you need to let go.**_

"_I'm so tired of being here_

_Suppressed by all my childish fears_

_And if you have to leave_

_I wish that you would just leave_

_'Cause your presence still lingers here_

_And it won't leave me alone"_

"…_Max?" Fang's voice was faint with suppressed pain._

"_I'm here," my voice was choked with tears. "Fang, it's okay. We'll find someone … something. Just … just hold on."_

_Fang tried to chuckle, like he always did, but it ended in a gasp of pain. "Max, stop it. You have to get the flock out of here … they know where you are … they'll be back. They won't stop …"_

_Some small part of my registered that this was one of the longest speeches Fang had ever made. "No, Fang … we won't leave you. I won't leave you."_

_Fang grinned. "Love you, Max. Now go. They need you"_

"_Fang…? No, Fang. Fang please …" Realization sank in, and the tears began to fall._

"_These wounds won't seem to heal_

_This pain is just too real_

_There's just too much that time cannot erase"_

"Max?" Nudge's voice was hesitant. She never was quite the same after Fang had died. She always had looked up to him. I smiled encouragingly at her. "D'you think perhaps we could, like, sleep in a hotel tonight? 'Cause Angel and me are, like, really tired, and, well, he won't say, but you can tell that Iggy's pretty tired too. I mean, _look _at him."

I glanced at Iggy who was flying just above and to the right of me. His blind eyes were staring straight ahead, but there was a definite droop to his head.

_**You need this, Max. Everyone needs a rest sometimes.**_

Finally, the voice had something pleasant to say. I automatically looked to my left to decide how Fang about this idea. The pain that surged through me when I remembered was crippling. I actually gasped in agony.

_**Oh, Max. You shouldn't torture yourself like this.**_

"_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears_

_When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears_

_And I held your hand through all of these years_

_But you still have_

_All of me"_

There were rooms of two. Gazzy and Iggy, Nudge and Angel. And me. It didn't used to be like that. I sat on my single bed, and stared at the other bed opposite me. How could this have happened? It seemed like only yesterday that I last saw Fang. Really, it was 3 years. I hadn't really breathed, hadn't really seen, laughed since his heart stopped beating. It was as if mine had stopped when his did. I buried my head in my pillow, and allowed myself to remember.

"_You used to captivate me_

_By your resonating light_

_Now I'm bound by the life you left behind_

_Your face it haunts_

_My once pleasant dreams_

_Your voice it chased away_

_All the sanity in me"_

_I knew I was leaving something of myself behind as I took off with the flock. I had carried Fang's body all the way to the beach where I first kissed him. We had then flown him out to sea, and allowed him to sink slowly to the bottom of the ocean. Iggy's face was shattered with anguish. Tears streaked from his useless eyes as he watched his brother's ruined body drift away from him. Angel, Gazzy and Nudge wailed openly, howling their grief to the heavens. After my first round of tears, no more had spilled. I stared after my love's body as he left me forever._

"_These wounds won't seem to heal_

_This pain is just too real_

_There's just too much that time cannot erase"_

_**Max, you need to focus. I know this is hard for you, but you can't just forget about the rest of the world.**_

He was my world! I hissed furiously.

_**Max, it's been 3 years. He's not coming back. What are you waiting for? He is dead.**_

Oh, really? You know what? I actually hadn't noticed. To my disgust, tears were rolling down my face.

_**I try to help you, Max. But first you have to help yourself.**_

With those words of wisdom, the voice left my broken person to cry alone.

"_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears_

_When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears_

_And I held your hand through all of these years_

_But you still have_

_All of me"_

I felt relief wash over me and we lifted into the air. I looked around at the concord of colours flashing in the sky. White, speckled, tawny. But one was missing. There were no jet-black wings, sharply contrasting with the white, cloud-covered sky. There were no dark eyes, scrutinizing my face when he thought I wasn't looking. No quick smile whenever that gaze met mine.

"Max, why are we flying to Switzerland? Iggy said it's really cold there, and I don't have any warmer clothes."

Angel stared at me solemnly. "Are we going to die, then?"

"What? No! We'll find something … somewhere …" If only Fang was here … he'd be able to think of something, I was sure of it.

_**Not that I'm not happy you're finally leaving, but Max, Fang shouldn't be occupying most of your thoughts. You need to concentrate. This is no walk in the park, you know.**_

Oh, didn't I know it. I was trying. I really wanted to stop crying myself to sleep, to stop torturing myself with memories of him, but it was impossible. Impossible in the same way that Nudge couldn't stop talking; impossible in the same way Gazzy could not control his bodily functions. I ran my fingers through my dirty, unkempt hair, blinked tears from my eyes and forced my mind to the present. I had to hold myself together. It was only 12 more hours until I could let myself go, and truly allow myself to feel.

"_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears_

_When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears_

_And I held your hand through all of these years_

_But you still have_

_All of me"_

I remember. I cannot forget. I cannot let go.

"_I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone_

_But though you're still with me_

_I've been alone all along"_

The cool night air whips past me, chilling my skin. I soar straight up then curve into a graceful arc. I left Iggy on watch. I poured on the super speed, and sped away. Finally, I decided I was far enough away.

_**Max? Max! What are you doing? Stop! Don't do this! You cannot be serious!**_

I ignored the voice. Oh, Fang. There were tears dripping down my cheeks. I folded my wings flat to my back. I fell. Down.

"_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears_

_When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears_

_And I held your hand through all of these years_

_But you still have_

_All of me"_


	2. Understanding wash it all away

This is pretty much dedicated to Juhi, aka Maximum-calories. Yeah, that sounded odd, but really, you did help heaps. Although … sometimes I don't really understand what you are talking about … lol … so yeah, thanks for your help.

Ok ... as you can probably tell, this is the next chapter to My Immortal, HOWEVER, I'm not really sure if this is gonna be a chapter story, because I'm not very good at doing them.. Umm, and if this is really bad, and you hate it, which I hope you don't, but yeah if that happens, just pretend you never read it, and that I never wrote a second bit. Just remember the first one. Okay? Great!

Disclaimer- I swore to myself that I'd never do this, but …

Angel: She doesn't own me.

Gazzy: Or me!

Me: I'm not sure I'd want to own you … weird kid …

Nudge: Or me!

Me: Nope, I don't own them. I don't own the song either. Evanescence does. I don't own Max. Or Iggy. (sighs) not even Fang … that honour belongs to James Patterson.

Fang: (mutters) nobody owns me … I'm a freaking free spirit.

Iggy: Damn, don't I wish I wasn't blind? Hey, Fang, over there, what do those girls look like? Are they hot?

Max: Bloody pervert…

Fang: I have eyes only for Max.

Now that's over and done with …

Nudge is 15, Iggy is 18, Gazzy is 12, and Angel is 10. This is set somewhat soon after the first section. I am loath to call it a chapter, because like I said …

Normal Text – Third … first … second person … uhh … the one where there's someone telling the story, who isn't actually part of the story. Like, a narrator …

Underlined – Song Lyrics

_Italics – Nudge's Point of View_

**Bold – Iggy's Point of View**

and without further ado …

xxxxxxxxxx

You hold the answers deep within your own mind.

Consciously, you've forgotten it.

That's the way the human mind works.

**There was a time she sparked a burning flame of desire within me. A time when every time I heard her voice, every time I touched her, hell, every time I so much as sensed her move it would cause my heart to ache with love. What happened? I suppose that after they died nothing really mattered to me anymore. I mean, without Max and Fang, where were we? We were dead – we had no idea where to go. We were like … well; we were like a flock of birds without a leader. If flocks even need leaders. I wouldn't know. I wouldn't care, either.**

**The thought of Max and Fang brought a flare of anger and sadness to my deadened heart. They were the only emotions my twisted being could seem to feel anymore. If only Fang hadn't died. If only Max hadn't been so weak. If only. My life was filled with 'if onlys'. If only they hadn't destroyed my sight like they had. If only my genetics hadn't been altered for some sick experiment. If only …**

Whenever something is too unpleasant, to shameful for us

to entertain, we reject it.

We erase it from our memories.

But the imprint is always there."

"Iggy, please. Please. We _need _you. I've tried, but I can't be Max. I can't be Fang. Maybe you can't either, but _please_, I can't do this on my own. You're older than me!" Tears had begun to spill from Nudge's large brown eyes, but Iggy couldn't see them.

"I… I just … I can't keep going like this. I need your help, Iggy. As much as you may not like it, you're the oldest one here; you're the one we should be looking up to. Please, please, _help _us. Acknowledge us. You act as if you don't care about us anymore. As if you don't care about me…" Nudge's voice trailed away. Tears were falling faster.

"What the hell _happened_ to you, Iggy?"

"Leave me alone, Nudge. I just … I just want to forget."

"Forget!? About what? Fang? Max? Or all of us?"

"I haven't forgotten about you …"

"Yes, you have. When was the last time you actually bothered to ask Angel how she was feeling? Did you even know that she was sick? When was the last time you talked with Gazzy? Do you even hear him trying to talk to you?" her voice became softer. "When was the last time you talked to me, hugged me … kissed me?"

"I can't remember …"

"Of course you freaking can't. I don't care what the hell is going on with you anymore. This _is _your responsibility. Damn it, Iggy, just _wake up_!" Nudge shouted the last two words in his face.

"I don't … I can't … I just want it all to go away..."

Can't wash it all away

Can't wish it all away

Can't hope it all away

Can't cry it all away

"Hey, Iggy!" Gazzy didn't really even know why he bothered anymore. Perhaps he just hoped his friend from the old days would come back…

As expected, there was no response. Gazzy sighed. "Umm, yeah, anyway … I was thinking, you know how we've always used batteries and stuff, for our bombs?"

Iggy turned his head towards Gazzy fractionally. The Gasman was elated. This was the biggest response he'd gotten from Iggy in ages! With renewed enthusiasm, he returned to his one-sided conversation.

"Anyway, I was thinking that even though it's heaps more expensive, we could make a way bigger explosion. Like, I was watching Mythbusters the other day, you know how were were standing for ages in that TV shop? Yeah, well, I was watching Mythbusters, and they made this giant one with all this fertilizer. It was fantastic! So … maybe?"

Iggy gave an almost imperceptible nod. Gazzy's grin was so wide it almost split his face.

"Okay then! Talk to you later, buddy!"

Far enough away to continue flying unnoticed, but close enough to hear, Nudge smiled to herself.

The pain that grips you

The fear that binds you

Releases life in me

In our mutual

Shame we hide our eyes 

To blind them from the truth

That finds a way from who we are

It really was getting tiresome, Nudge thought to herself as she absently smashed an Eraser's nose through his brain. She grimaced as blood stained her new white shoes. Her legs and hands still weaving a deadly pattern of blows, she looked over to her fellow bird-kids. Gazzy had his tongue between his teeth in concentration and was beating up his wolfish adversaries with a grim determination. Angel was hovering in the air, tranquilly surveying the battle, focusing her attention on one Eraser at a time, smiling as it began to attack its allies. Nudge searched for Iggy. Her curiosity changed to concern, and then desperation as she searched for the blind boy. She heard him cry out.

"I can't see … Nudge! Help!" Four Erasers had jumped Iggy at once, taking advantage of his inability to see. They were clawing at him, and he screamed in helplessness and pain. Nudge felt a blind rage course through her. She felt more alive than she had in weeks. She let out a raucous war cry, and hurtled toward him. Fueled by her anger, she swung her foot round, smashing it into the first Eraser's temple, dropping him like a rock. She smashed two of the Eraser's heads together, and grabbed the last one by the neck and threw him away. Iggy lay curled up and bleeding on the ground, his wings curled protectively over his body. It hurt Nudge to see him so vulnerable. Sure, she was angry with him now, but it hadn't always been like that. She could remember back to when Iggy had fought as if he wasn't blind. He had always seemed to know where everyone was, and what was coming at him. He had never been beaten like this …

"Iggy … Iggy are you all right? I came as soon as I could." Nudge was panting.

Iggy didn't look up, or remove his wings from around his body.

"Iggy?" There was no response. Nudge realized he wasn't hiding from the Erasers. He was hiding from the flock, from her.

"Iggy, look at me."

Iggy slowly unfurled his wings from around his body. Nudge gasped as she saw the damage that had been inflicted upon his pale skin. Angel, carrying Total, and Gazzy traipsed tiredly over to where Nudge and Iggy were standing.

"Oh, God! Iggy! What the hell happened?"

"Gazzy shut up! Iggy, don't worry about it, it's okay," Angel tried desperately to stop whatever was beginning to develop itself in Iggy's mind.

"Yeah. What the _hell _happened? What sort of pathetic piece of shit am I? I'm sorry. You three would be better off without me. Don't follow me." Iggy's voice was filled with self-loathing. He tensed his muscles, preparing to leap into the sky.

Angel began to cry. "Iggy … don't go …"

"Iggy you can't see! What will you do? Where will you go?"

"Who cares? I know I don't."

"I care!" Gazzy's voice cracked with tears.

"Iggy, please!" Nudge spoke in barely a whisper, just loud enough for Iggy to hear. "Please don't go … I love you. Just … stay."

Iggy's face filled with a terrible pain. "I can't. I'm not … I'm not the same …" He leapt into the sky. Beating his huge wings, he soared through the air. Three forlorn figures watched him leave from the ground. The smallest raised a hand in a sad farewell, but, of course, it went unseen.

"Nudge…" Iggy murmured to himself, his words snatched away by the cold wind. "Nudge … I love you too …"

Please don't be afraid

When the darkness fades away

The dawn will break the silence

_The small fire we managed to light did little to dispel the dark and the cold. Iggy could've lit a better one … he was really good with fire … the small flame actually reminded me of him, a little. No matter how hard we tried, no matter how much wood we put on it, it couldn't seem to dispel the darkness that surrounded it._

_It was strange … we'd all thought that our flock would last forever. Now, a few years down the track, we'd gone from six to three._

"_Nudge?" Gazzy spoke._

"_Yeah, Gaz?"_

"_What're we eating tonight…?"_

_Oh, if only I knew. I remembered back to when Fang had taunted me with the idea of eating rats. The idea had so repulsed me. Funny, that now I should be perfectly happy to eat a rat or ten._

_Fang …_

_Max …_

_I had always loved Fang. He was one of the best big brothers I could've asked for. Sure, he never said much, but when he did speak, he could always make me laugh. I missed him so. I missed seeing his dark shape soaring through the air beside Max. It had always amused me, how they would stare at each other, memorizing every detail of each other's faces, when they thought nobody else was looking. They thought that we never noticed a thing. Heck, even Iggy had seen – not literally though, of course. He just knew something was going on. And Max. She somehow had managed to be a mum and a dad, a sister, a friend and a teacher. She'd always been there when I'd needed her. Then Fang had died. It was then, not now, not when Max died, but then, when our flock had completely fallen apart. I'll never forget that day … something inside Max had been left on that beach where we last saw Fang's body. I didn't, as Iggy did, blame Max for what she did. I had seen her, had watched her slowly fall apart. She tried, tried so hard to piece herself back together, but obviously her glue wasn't working, or her sticky tape wasn't strong enough.__And so she fell_

"_Uhh … well … let's cross that bridge when we come to it, hey?"_

"_I'm pretty sure we've come to the bridge, thought about going over it, and then jumped in the river…"_

Screaming in our hearts

My love for you still grows

This I do for you

Before I try to fight the truth my final time

**Nudge was lost. She didn't know what to do. Gazzy and Angel and Total were hungry, and so was she. There was no one to turn to for help. No 15 years old should have to deal with this. This was **_**my **_**responsibility. I should be there, helping them get food, or at least suffering along with them. Why couldn't I stay there? Why did I flee from this responsibility? What was I afraid of? I retaliated against the part of my mind that questioned me in such a difficult way. If Max and Fang failed at shouldering this responsibility, how was I supposed to deal with it? I was **_**blind **_**for Christ's sake! Truly, they'd be much better off without me. I'm a liability. Ter Borcht had gotten a few things right…**

**I listened as first Angel, and then Gazzy fell asleep. Nudge was obviously trying to stay awake, as she was taking deep breaths, and walking around a lot. Finally she gave up.**

"**Let the chips fall as they may," she muttered. I heard her wriggle around on the ground for a while, trying to get comfortable.**

"**Oh, Iggy … I can't do this without you … please come back."**

**I wanted to. I really did. I just wasn't sure if I could …**

"We're supposed to try and be real.

And I feel alone, and we're not together. And that is real."

"So … where do you guys wanna go? I don't really care …" Nudge sighed, as she was, yet again, asking for help from her juniors. Angel coughed and looked at Nudge with sympathy.

"How about we go back to the beach?"

Neither Nudge, nor even Gazzy had to ask which beach Angel was talking about. Nudge did have to wonder why they couldn't just move on and be happy. 'Then again,' she thought, 'maybe revisiting the place where we first began to fall apart would give me some answers. Or maybe that was just wishful thinking.'

The journey passed mostly in silence, each of the bird kids wrapped up in their own thoughts. Angel began to cough.

"Angel? You okay?" Nudge wished she could do something to make it better, but she had no medicine to give to the 10 year old.

"Yeah, I'll be okay …" Something really wasn't right though, as Angel had been sick for quite a long time. Common colds didn't last this long. And common colds didn't make you struggle for breath; didn't make you feel as if something is choking you … She didn't say anything though, because she knew Nudge already had enough on her mind.

Can't wash it all away

Can't wish it all away

Can't cry it all away

Can't scratch it all away

"Nudge!" Gazzy's shout resounded in Nudge's ears. She reacted instantly, diving after the small body as it fell. She saw Gazzy dive for Total, who was screaming to any God he could think of to save him. Nudge wrapped her wings in tight around her body to increase her speed. Luckily, Angel's pure white wings were trailing in the air, increasing friction, and therefore slowing her fall slightly. Nudge grabbed the small body and held it close to her. She snapped her wings out, wincing at the jolt she felt when the rushing wind caught the wings and halted her fall.

"Gazzy!" she shouted.

"Here," he said, clutching a sobbing Total. "What's wrong with her?" he asked tearfully, looking at his little sister through worried eyes.

"Well … she had been sick for a while … I didn't think it was this serious, though," Nudge said uncertainly. Brown eyes met azure blue as Gazzy lifted his head from Angel's limp form.

"What now?"

"I suppose … we need a hospital … don't give me that look, Gaz … what else can we do? We don't know what's wrong with her."

The Gasman sighed, and nodded.

---

Nudge and Gazzy leapt up as a doctor in a white coat approached them. "Well?" Nudge asked, impatience barely disguising the agonizing worry in her voice.

The doctor ignored her. "Your friend has a very interesting bone structure … and her heart … it beats very fast. Not to mention the abnormal growths on it's … err, I mean her back. I'm curious to know whether you two are the same? We would appreciate it if you would let us run some tests …"

"Shut. Up." Nudge snarled. "No tests. What is wrong with Angel?!"

"Yeah … I just wanna know about my sister," Gazzy sniffed.

"Yes. This Angel. I'm sorry to say that she is extremely unwell. In fact, I'm rather astonished that she's still alive. She's obviously had pneumonia for a long time now … it would definitely have been treatable if you'd come in sooner, but there really is nothing we can do, except make her comfortable. I'm sorry."

Gazzy's angelic blue eyes grew wide. "_Shit._ Angel …"

"We need to see her," Nudge said, not even bothering to rebuke Gazzy for his language.

"I'll take you to her … she doesn't have much more time."

The doctor led them through a door, into a white room. Angel lay on a white bed, its starkness choking all colour from her body. Her once vivacious blonde hair was lifeless, her eyes dull.

"Nudge," she whispered her voice a croak. Each breath sounded like agony.

"I'm here, Ange. Gazzy's here too."

"Hi, Angel." Gazzy whispered, just as softly as his sister.

"Sorry I didn't say anything. It's just … I didn't want to worry you … aw, Gazzy … please don't cry …"

Nudge buried her head in Angel's side. Small, delicate fingers gently stroked her dark hair.

"Nudge…?"

"Yes?"

"Could you … could you take me flying … one last time? And … and when I die … take me to where Fang went?"

"Of course … but you're not going to die … not for a long time …"

"Angel," Gazzy sobbed, "Angel please, don't die …"

Tell me you will live through this

And I will die for you

Say you'll be with me

For I know I cannot

Bear it all alone

Nudge's arms were wrapped tight around Gazzy, whose small body was shaking with sobs. His hands were fisted at her back, his face buried in her shoulder. Tears silently coursed down Nudge's face. She stared out to sea. The same sea where Angel's body now was at rest with Fang and Max's. She shuddered as she remembered Max's mangled body sinking into the ocean.

"Nudge …" Gazzy hiccupped.

"Yeah, Gaz?"

"P-please … don't die … ever."

Nudge couldn't reply. The grief was overwhelming. She wished that her tears, and Gazzy's, would wash everything away.

Can't wash it all away

Can't wish it all away

Can't cry it all away

Can't scratch it all away

Nudge and Gazzy ended up staying on the beach for the night. Neither of them had the will to move. Gazzy fell quickly into a disturbed sleep, often whimpering, or letting out a sob. Nudge held him tightly. She didn't sleep. She stared out to sea, remembering the flock as it used to be. Back when they were happy.

"Nudge," a quiet voice startled her out of her thoughts.

"Oh, God." Tears immediately welled up in Nudge's eyes.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Iggy's blind eyes were shining with tears.

Suddenly none of it mattered to Nudge. She needed to be comforted. She had missed him so … and this she told him.

"I missed you, Iggy."

Gently she placed Gazzy's head down on the sand. Then she stood. She and Iggy faced each other for a while. Then he hesitantly reached out towards her. He traced her features gently, memorizing them again, though he had never really forgotten.

"I'm sorry …"

Nudge took one step towards him and wrapped her arms around his waist. She stood on her tiptoes and chastely pressed her lips against his, reviving them, the faded colour returning to his painfully white skin.

"I was so lonely," she whispered.

"You're not alone anymore … I'm back …"

You're not alone, honey.

Never... Never.

God, please don't hate me

Because I'll die if you do.

_I stared out at the vast expanse of water. The sun was setting, throwing a kaleidoscope of brilliant colours across the glittering water. The warmth of the fresh bagel in my hand sent tingles down my arms. On my left, Gazzy chewed solemnly at his loaf of bread. He was also watching the ocean, the fading light shining on his angelic face. There were dark circles under his eyes, which were red and puffy from crying. He had been overjoyed when Iggy came back, but soon had relapsed back into a quietly saddened state, and no wonder. Total crouched at his feet, staring at the place where he last saw Angel disappear forever. He hadn't spoken since then, and it surprised me to realize I missed his chatter. I wondered if the others felt the same about me. I don't talk as much anymore either… On my right was Iggy. His hand was tightly entwined with mine, his sightless eyes also facing the ocean. His bagel had gone untouched. I leaned slightly into his warmth, and he smiled, releasing my hand, only to wrap an arm around my shoulders. Together we watched the sun set over the resting places of half our family. There couldn't have been a more fulfilling tomb for them. The enormity of the ocean seemed to be a reflection of the hearts of those three people who had been engulfed by its watery depths. We finished our food – well, Gazzy finished his food, and Iggy's too – and turned as one. Slowly we unfurled our wings. We rose smoothly into the sky. White, tawny, black… three pairs of wings were missing. We might not return here, because who knows what the future will hold? Angel, Max, Fang. But we would never forget them, and what they meant to us._

But the imprint is always there.

Nothing is ever really forgotten.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

That's it. Review please. Again, even if it was bad, you should tell me so, so that I can laugh at your abuse in my spare time. Thanks for reading!


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